My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
