I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
