I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
