dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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