Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
