HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
