This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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