Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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