And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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