I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
