Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
pray to the hookup gods
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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