I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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