Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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