A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
