Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
