Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
