i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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