If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
