brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
