I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
