Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
