I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
