My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
