Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
