OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
