Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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