Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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