if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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