I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
