Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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