batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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