He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
