Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
