My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
