So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
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