I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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