They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
