Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
