You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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