I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize