i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
