That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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