My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is my gift to your gina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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