dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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