will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
