This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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