I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
