And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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