College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
