Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
