respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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