i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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