I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
