I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
