Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
