Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
