The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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