and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
