i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
