i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
