Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
