she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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