OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
