This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dignity is for republicans.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
