turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
