it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
