Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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