What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
