Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
