I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
