I can text with my tongue
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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